THE YOGI LIFE JOURNAL EXERCISES
WEEK 3: THE STUPID AWFUL TRUTH THAT WILL SET YOU FREE
Exercise 1: Divide your paper into three categories. In the first, list all the ways that you have tried “fix” what your big “what’s wrong with me” is. For example, if deep down you believe you’re not smart enough, have you spent years in academia and got two Masters degrees and a PhD? Or perhaps you never went college and you avoid “smart” people who might expose you for the big dummy your mind (you) tells you (your Self) that you are. If you believe you are alone and abandoned, maybe you are super independent and prefer to excel in work by yourself, not in groups. Distinguish the parts of your “fix it” that are super powers from the not so helpful ways you’ve tried to “cover up” your deepest (perceived) flaw.
Next, create a list of all the secretly pleasing things you get from your crazy awful belief about yourself. Do you get a lot of attention from playing the victim? Does being invisible or the clown keep you from getting criticized by others? This is going to be the part your ego does not want you to give up! It’s like it’s crack snack.
Finally fill in the third list with all the ways your misinterpretation about yourself hurts you and the people around you. You won’t like this list, but you want it to be long and complete, so that you get the toll this stupid awful mistake of a belief has taken on you.
Sit in your meditation and call up the first time you remember feeling the stupid awful “truth” of you as a flawed being. Now look for who you blame. Go ahead and let yourself get angry, drama filled and all riled up. Now, turn the camera lens on YOU. Yes, you. And repeat the following: I did this to me. I said this about me. No one else did. And even if they did, I’m the one who believed it then, and then kept believing it all these years. Yes, me, you did this to me. Whoa. Sit there until that sinks in. If you are in a chair, you may need to hit your knees.
Write a list of all the places in your life where you are making decisions based on what you “should” or “shouldn’t” be doing. See if your awful little nasty truth about you is somehow involved, as in are you doing what you are doing in order to fix, change, erase, cover up or avoid having others see you for the (perceived) flawed, messed up being that you thought you were all those years? OMG, it’s f-ing exhausting, isn’t it? Good news? It’s all unnecessary!
Write a list of all the actions and plans you want to make now, based on total free choice (no need to have reasons or facts to back up your “why”). Your why for these is “just ‘cause. Period. End of Story. Got it? Good, now wake up and smell the freedom. You might just release some extra pounds from your body now that your spirit is getting free.
DAILY JOURNAL WORK
Add These Questions to Your Week 1 Practices